Facing Friends & Family

• tamelarich
• November 25th, 2009

Last week I sat down over a cuppa with a longtime friend who had loaned my now-failed industrial cleaning business money -- a loan I personally guaranteed.  I hadn't seen "Ron" in nearly two years but we'd stayed in touch via email and the occasional phone call.

The last email he'd sent explained why he should move to the front of the line of my creditors. A familiar theme.  Friends and family tug the heartstrings more effectively than faceless creditors and collectors.

After the initial awkwardness of our meeting, he described why he'd decided to leave his executive position to strike out as a consultant and said he wanted to get my grassroots view of the freelance life. Although I didn't ask outright, my sense is that his own difficulties with his former company gave him a window of insight to the out-of-my-control events that forced me to close my business. If either Ron or I had conducted ourselves differently over the past two years, such rapproachment might not have been possible.

I didn't let the meeting end without bringing up the pink elephant in our relationship and telling him that although I couldn't make a payment on the debt right now, I could whittle it down by writing his website and other materials.  Not three minutes later a friend of mine who could definitely use Ron's expertise ambled over to our table and I introduced the two.

Tips for dealing with creditors who banked on YOU more than your business

With the holiday season bringing us together with friends and family, take heart. As with Ron, events in their lives may make them more empathetic than before. If not, try these tactics:

• Take their calls/respond to their correspondence (for tips, see "Creditor Communications Judo").  My family and friends have told me that although repayment isn't forthcoming they appreciate knowing I'm not dodging them

• Be prepared for them to take issue with the decisions you made, to question your judgment and to vent their frustrations

• They're entitled to express themselves, but you are not a doormat or punching bag. Let them know when you've reached your limit with something like "This is painful for both of us. If there's nothing NEW you want to say about my debt, I'd like change the subject and ask you about (insert new topic here)"

• They probably don't want a rebuttal to each accusation or mis-perception. See if you can insert the occasional active-listening remark like "I can see why you feel that way" instead of trying to set the record straight on all fronts

• Sometimes you have to bite your tongue. As with Ron, there may come a point in time when their circumstances bring them to empathy for yours

Remember, when you're going through hell, keep going. Godspeed.

Tamela's here for small business owners who are watching their dreams and livelihoods go up in flames. With the credibility of someone who's been there, too, she writes about dealing with creditors, the IRS, family members and your own inner demons. She now earns her keep as a business ghostwriter. http://TamelaRich.com

Tickers: creditors, friends & family, small business

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