Don’t Write “The Note”

• tamelarich
• October 14th, 2009

Two years ago I succumbed to macroeconomic forces and closed my industrial cleaning business. My customer base was caving in all around me, going bankrupt, offshoring and closing for good.

In 2008 the Alliance for American Manufacturing reported that in the prior six years 91,400 jobs were lost in South Carolina and 211,600 in North Carolina, of which 29,900 and 77,200, respectively, were in manufacturing.  Business owners who don't get unemployment benefits aren't counted in these numbers.

While I'm still dealing with the aftermath of ruined credit and strained relationships, I'm in a pretty good place, emotionally.

That wasn't always the case.

I'll never forget the day I wrote "the note."  Driving home after another day of dealing with harsh demands from creditors and criticism from family members and friends to whom I owed money, I went into a state I can only describe as "automatous." I came to the cold "rational" conclusion that best way I could solve the problems "I'd" created with this failed business was to trigger a payout of my substantial life insurance policy. The most final solution.

Your money or your life?

There was no "goodbye cruel world" sentimentality as I fired up a Word document directing my spouse in how I wanted him to allocate the proceeds.  As I saw it, all everyone wanted from me was the money, and  I'd always delivered. To me, it was a business transaction: my life for the money.

Note finished, I surveyed the meager pharmaceutical contents of my medicine cabinet, looking  up each online, trying to find a lethal combination. With the realization that laxatives, decongestants and pain killers wouldn't do the job and more painful and messy procedures would be required, I came out of my trance.

Voice of reason

The next day a friend called -- one I didn't owe money to.  She did the absolute right thing, asking questions instead of giving advice.

Q: How do you think your family would have felt spending that money?

Q: Do you think they'd be relieved or pissed with how they came into all that money?

Q: Do you think it's fair to ask your spouse to take on the responsibility of doling out the funds?

What the experts say

The American Association of Suicidology (AAS) published a statement, The Economy and Suicide, with the surprising conclusion that while recessions themselves aren't associated with a rise in suicides, unemployed individuals have between two and four times the suicide rate of those employed.

...economic strain and personal financial crises have been well documented as precipitating events in individual deaths by suicide.  Stressful life events, financial and others, have significant impact on those vulnerable to suicide where typical coping mechanisms are compromised by the effects of mental disorder, substance use, acute psychiatric symptoms, and a host of other risk factors associated with suicide.

Of current concern is the high rate of home foreclosures.  More than a million people recently have lost their homes, about as many as did in the Great Depression when the population was about half what it is today.  For most Americans, our homes are our primary investment and the locus of our identities and social support systems.  When combined with the loss of job, home loss has been found to be one of the most common economic strains associated with suicides.  In contrast to many other developed nations, the US provides little cushion to buffer these strains --  unemployment benefits are generally limited in duration and are considerably less than full-pay levels, there is no national health insurance, etc.

This hits home for business owners, whose self-identities are often enmeshed with their failed businesses, and who do not qualify for social safety nets like unemployment benefits.

The AAS advised anyone writing an article on the subject to include resources for those individuals in financial distress and potentially suicidal, which I've copied below.

A person in acute risk for suicidal behavior most often will show:

Warning Signs of Acute Risk:

• Threatening to hurt or kill him or herself, or talking of wanting to hurt or kill him/herself; and/or,

• Looking for ways to kill him/herself by seeking access to firearms, available pills, or other means; and/or,

• Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide, when these actions are out of the ordinary.

These might be remembered as expressed or communicated IDEATION. If observed, seek help as soon as possible by contacting a mental health professional or calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for a referral.

Additional Warning Signs:

Increased SUBSTANCE (alcohol or drug) use

No reason for living; no sense of PURPOSE in life

ANXIETY, agitation, unable to sleep or sleeping all the time

Feeling TRAPPED - like there’s no way out

HOPELESSNESS

WITHDRAWING from friends, family and society

Rage, uncontrolled ANGER, seeking revenge

Acting RECKLESS or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking

Dramatic MOOD changes

If observed, seek help as soon as possible by contacting a mental health professional or calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for a referral.

Lessons learned

After hiring a psychiatrist and reading a library of self-help books, I wrote about a Buddhist approach to failure in an article published in Charlotte Magazine, "Breathe In. Breathe Out."

Thanks to therapy, prayer and meditation, here's what I now believe about myself:

• I'm more than my resume
• I'm more than what's reflected in my financial statements
• I'm a child of God, deeply flawed, but striving to acquire perfection. It's the striving that matters most
• I'm part of a greater whole; I must do my part to the best of my ability but the outcome is subject to forces outside my control

Taking total responsibility for a failed business is akin to taking total credit for a successful one: hubris.

Famously-bankrupt Abraham Lincoln contributed more to the world as president than he would have done as a successful general store owner. You never know when a business failure, or even a bankruptcy, might free you up to achieve something greater than you'd imagined.

Where there's life, there's hope. Don't write "the note." If your business is melting down, get legal and psychiatric help immediately.

It worked for me.

Tamela's here for small business owners who are watching their dreams and livelihoods go up in flames. With the credibility of someone who's been there, too, she'll be writing about dealing with creditors, the IRS, family members and your own inner demons. She now earns her keep as a business ghostwriter. http://TamelaRich.com

Tickers: depression, recovery, small business, suicide

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