Creditor Communications Judo

• tamelarich
• November 11th, 2009

If you can't pay your bills, you can't pay your bills. That doesn't stop creditors from calling to inquire, cajole, threaten and humiliate you. In today's economy everyone's feeling the pinch and none of us is our best self under siege -- not you, not your creditors.

When I finally faced that my business was beyond resuscitation I'll be honest, I dodged my creditors' calls because I didn't know what to say. Eventually I figured out how to handle the calls in a way that was honest and kind  to both myself and my disappointed creditors. I used creditor communications judo.

The principle of giving way

I'm not a judo practitioner, but I'm told these characters are appropriate to  illustrate the essence of judo. The first character --ju-- means "giving way;" the second --do-- means "principle."  The creator of judo, Jigoro Kano, described it for westerners as "first giving way in order ultimately to gain the victory."

When a creditor calls demanding payment, they possess moral strength. They want their money most of all, but if they can't get that, they'll try for a pound of your flesh.  The conversations are often hostile (or at least confrontational).

Communications judo takes the negative (hostile) energy they are throwing at you and allows you to go with it instead of fighting it.

Here's a role play:

Creditor: Ms Rich we're calling to ask when we can expect payment for your account. It's 120 days overdue.

Ms Rich: I'm glad you called because your call spares me the difficulty of picking up the phone to call you. I'm sorry to say my business has failed and I'm winding it down. There is no money to pay anyone, including myself and, unfortunately, your company.

Creditor: This is most un-business like.  We provided you with widgets and are entitled to be paid for them.

Ms Rich: Yes, I agree it is most un-businesslike. You are entitled to be paid for the widgets. Unfortunately you won't be. I know it doesn't make you whole, but I sincerely apologize for leaving you in the lurch.

Creditor: I'm going to have to report this to the credit bureaus and our legal department.

Ms Rich: Of course you are. You have a job to do and I respect that. Is there anything else you want to say to me?

Comment: While the creditor still has the moral high ground, you've de-escalated the exchange. This is not to say they won't take you to court or stop calling, but this approach diffuses the situation and leaves you with enough energy to get on with the unpleasant work before you.

Like a judo move, you "give way" by accepting that you owe the money and that they're entitled to take legal measures, etc. But unlike judo, where you gain ultimate victory by staying balanced while throwing your opponent off balance through their own momentum, ultimate victory for you in this exchange means you have acted with integrity and saved your energy for flight instead of fight.

Let your hardships diffuse "piling on" by other creditors

There is a Middle Eastern tale of two lovers who are separated before their wedding, the woman being carried off by bandits. The man goes from city to city looking for his beloved.  One day he catches a glimpse of her in a crowded marketplace. Before he can catch her a rabid dog begins chasing him through the streets and alleyways until he's trapped with his back up against the city wall staring into the frothy jaws of his tormentor. With nowhere to go but over the wall, he climbs and jumps.  When he comes back to consciousness he finds himself being comforted by his beloved fiancee, who would never have found him but for his unfortunate encounter with the dog. Moral of the story? The dog went from being his worst enemy to his best friend.

Sometimes an aggressive act by a creditor may turn out to save you from receiving similarly aggressive treatment by others. Have you been served a notice of eviction or had a lien placed on your property? What about a levy of your bank account? Next time a creditor calls, offer to show them  that documentation as evidence of your hardship.  If they see that other creditors are ahead of them, especially if one of them is a state or federal government, they might see the uselessness of pressing their case in court. Your levy or eviction notice might turn out to be like that rabid dog and save you repeated court appearance and multiple judgments. Again, this is a case of taking aggressive, negative energy from a creditor and using it to your (relative) advantage.

Again, of course you would prefer to pay your bills. If you could you would. I highlight these communication judo moves to help you play straight with them while diffusing the "collateral damage" to your mental health and emotional well being.

I happen to be a person who prays and here's one that helped me walk a straighter path:

I adjure Thee by Thy might, O my God! Let no harm beset me in times of tests, and in moments of heedlessness guide my steps aright through Thine inspiration.

What's done is done. Going back over what you should or could have done is not as important as doing the right thing today. Resist the temptation to make promises you can't keep. Kicking the can down the road only prolongs the misery and is unethical. Godspeed.

Tamela's here for small business owners who are watching their dreams and livelihoods go up in flames. With the credibility of someone who's been there, too, she writes about dealing with creditors, the IRS, family members and your own inner demons. She now earns her keep as a business ghostwriter. http://TamelaRich.com

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